I spent my fourth of July weekend together with Jen and two buddies Ryan and Adam in the woods of Washington. Ryan had planned a trip to climb up Huffman Peak and camp out on one of its many wide-open meadows. Before I go any further, let me just say that we never made it to the top of Huffman Peak nor did we ever run across anything even remotely resembling a meadow. Here’s the trip play-by-play. Adam, Ryan, Jen…feel free to comment and weigh in on what I might be forgetting here. Thanks to Adam for the pictures.

10:37am - We depart Portland, but not after picking up a block of cheese, pack of sausages and box of wine from Trader Joe’s.

11:30am - We stop for gas. Jen uses the bathroom.

12:47pm - After passing Cougar Park and Beaver Bay, we arrive in Cougar, Washington. Since we never were supposed to drive all the way to Cougar, Washington, Adam is relieved of his navigator duties.

1:30pm. - Jen is the new navigator. After traveling down roads that were never meant to be driven and towing several tree branches, Ryan significantly reduces the value of his Mazda X3 Werner Herzog Special Edition.

2:05pm - We arrive at trail head. I get mean looks from Subaru family after commenting that the place looks nothing like a nudist colony.

3:34pm - We arrive at the creek that we need to cross. It’s not a creek. It’s a river. Adam crosses it barefooted, water reaches Jen’s belly button and I lose my right Croc Sandal in the act. Ryan assures us that it will be easy from here on out, and the open meadows of Huffman Peak will more than make up for the brutal crossing.

7:45pm - After four hours of straight uphill walking in nothing but dense forest, we decide to set-up camp in …dense forest. Ryan,  who consistently trailed behind the group by fifty feet,  admits that he was wrong in accusing Oregonians of stupidity for hiking in actual hiking boots. He should have at least worn socks with his sandals.

9:30pm - We finish our box of wine (= four bottles) in record time. Jen agrees to stoke the fire and run whatever errands need to be run, in exchange for cheese and salami. Ryan consumes a pack of “Hurry in a Curry” and then gives up on vegetarianism by eating sausage. Adam consumes a flask of Jim Beam, which put his alcohol consumption ahead of his water consumption.

9am - We wake up. It’s raining like crazy. Jen puts on her wet shorts again and we begin the hike back.

11:13am - We cross the river again. This time both Adam and I cross it with bare feet. I want to cry. But I don’t.

11:26am - We run across disoriented group of female hikers. After much debate, Adam decides to not join them.

12:27pm - We make it back to the trailhead then drive to town for burgers and beer.

2:20pm - We’re back in Portland. Ryan explains the car damage to his wife, then goes to REI and buys a pair of hiking boots. Jen deletes Ryan’s number out of her cell phone, and puts on some dry shorts. Adam finally consumes a non-alcoholic beverage.

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