Generally speaking, the word 'expectation' can carry both positive and negative connotations. Expectations can be slim or great, but in my opinion they are always bad. Let me start by explaining what I think what an expectation is. Keep in mind that I am no linguist, English is my second language and my SAT scores presented me with the opportunity to pursue my education at the University of Montana. Expectation, to me, means expecting something to happen (good or bad) based on what happened in the past. Expectation has little to do with what is happening right now, and unfortunately, has no impact on what will happen in the future. All it does is put a lens (good or bad, light or dark, specific or blurry) on what you think should happen in the future.

If your expectations of something are negative, well, then that obviously sucks and won't make you happy. But even if your expectations are great, well, then that isn't a positive thing either. Because if great things happen, then you expected them and likely won't enjoy them as much as you should. On the other hand,  if things don't turn out like you expected them to, then you will be disappointed. I'll give you some examples.

You meet a stripper, you fall in love with her. You met her as a stripper, really didn't have any expectations and just see her for who she is. That's a good thing, and really the ideal way to fall in love with a stripper.

You meet a girl. You fall in love. She becomes your girlfriend. You marry her. Then you learn she used to be a stripper. Your expectation of your wife wasn't that she used to be a stripper. The fact that she used to strip now hurts you. What hurts you isn't that she used to be a stripper but rather the expectation you had built up in your mind. The same thing oftentimes happens in the workplace.

At WONGDOODY, we have summer hours. That means every Friday in the summer (assuming you got your work done), you can take the afternoon off. Totally awesome and something you don't necessarily expect from your employer. As a matter of fact, my last employer didn't have summer Fridays and it's not like it was something I expected. Now, if WONGDOODY were to take away our summer hours (even if it's for the right reasons), that would disappoint people.

Why? Because of expectation. One last example. It's weather related.

I live in Southern California. It's always sunny. Actually, I expect it to be sunny. When I wake up in the morning and it's sunny outside, that doesn't bring a smile to my face. Compare that to when I used to live in Portland. It always rains. When I woke up in the morning on a beautiful sunny day, it would bring all sorts of smiles and energy to my life. Why can't I have that feeling here in Southern California...because of my expectation. Maybe there are good examples of expectation. I would love to hear about them.

But from what I can tell, expectations are always bad. Myself, I am going to try and turn them off.

I am 29 years old and graduated college about nine years ago. Since then, I have worked pretty much non-stop in ad agencies in Montana, Seattle, LA, Portland now LA again. Next to work, I have launched websites, published a book, figured out various eBay schemes, traveled across China and Europe, bought a couple of condos, spent lots of time backpacking up and down the West Coast, ran a marathon, finished  an Ironman and buried my father. I spent the last nine years trying to achieve things, often times things I really didn't feel that passionate about. But things that would make me more money, get me a bigger title or a prettier girlfriend.

Most of what I have been doing these past nine years were activities that boosted my ego. And whenever my ego got a bit out of whack, I'd turn away from whatever was bothering me and just shoot for a bigger goal. I took on bigger jobs, ran more miles and ran away from relationships that mattered to me. All things that kept me from having to confront my own ego. All things that ultimately led to a much bigger ego. Having recently completed my first Ironman has left me with a gaping hole, chubbier abs and lots of time on Saturday mornings. And my initial reaction was to, of course, fill that hole by coming up with another huge challenge to tackle. I mean, who wants chubby abs?

But unfortunately, I am really quite happy with the life I have and it wouldn't be physically responsible for me to try and top the Ironman. So, the only thing that stands between myself and myself being really fulfilled is me. And by me, I am referring to my ego,  which I have been carefully cultivating over the past decade. Now, having an ego doesn't necessarily mean that I am cocky, selfish or self-absorbed, even though it might. When I am referring to my ego, I am more thinking about my "unconscious mind," which makes irrational, rational and sometimes fictional judgments on my behalf. It keeps me from me being me. So, how do I get out of the way of my own ego? I am going to starve it.

How? Well, first of all, I am going to take some time to think about what is important to me. And then I am going to stop feeding my ego some of the things that it really enjoys. Sort of like when I weaned Otto off Tuna.

Starting next week, I am going to go into a more part-time role at work. Less time in the office, for less pay. Not something that I could have ever imagined myself doing, but I am fortunate that my bosses are accommodating me, and well, that I need time more than I need money. I am going to take that time, and work on myself, grow the IdeaMensch community, write my first book and most importantly, invest into my relationships with people near and dear to my heart.

And I'll still kick butt at work, by being myself. But rather than define success by the impact on my salary, job title or athletic endeavors, I am going to define it by the impact I have on others. Everything else will fall into place.

I love ideas. And I think that having ideas (good and bad ones) is something that can truly set you apart in business, relationships, hobbies and just about every facet of your life. Running a website about people with ideas, working in advertising and owning 14 more domain names than the folks at GoDaddy; I have been able to learn a thing or two about ideas, and where they come from. Before I got any further, let me now just tell you that I think anyone can have good ideas. You don't have to be a creative person to have a good idea. The advertising industry (fortunately not my employer) is notorious for believing that if you lock two people into a room, one who can write and one who can draw, good ideas will emerge. I think that's bullshit. Maybe they'll come up with pretty print ads or funny TV commercials, but I don't see any advertising copywriters and art directors being the ones who build products and companies that truly change the world. Anyways, my point is that anyone can have a great idea. Most people have had amazing ideas, but only few move forward and actually execute. Even the greatest idea is no good if you don't bring it to life. Regardless, that's not what this post is about.

Read the rest of this post »

I don't know about you but so far 98% of my success and happiness can be directly contributed back to what other people have done for me. People have helped me every step along the way, not because I asked  but rather because they simply are amazing people. And I think that every day, every minute and every second; someone is doing something amazing for someone else. Why? Just because. To me the big question is whether I have shown those people my appreciation for all they have done for me. We are all quick to bitch and complain but do we say thank you often enough and loud enough?

Read the rest of this post »

To continue my series of posts on things I have learned from the past 29 years of failures, I am going to tackle the topic of "off." In the case of this particular learning, I have to say that I have failed much more often than I have succeeded. And continue to do so. Our lives seem to get busier by the day, and thanks to modern gadgets like smartphones, laptops and ipads, it is so easy to never truly disconnect. Personally, it's something I struggle with more than most. The problem with not disconnecting and constantly thinking or doing two things at once is that at some point you forget how to live in the moment. Once you forget to live in the moment, you stop enjoying the small things in life. If that happens, good luck trying to find happiness. You'll be forever dependent on major moments of success and once they happen, you'll stop appreciating the moment a new tweet flies by.

Read the rest of this post »

One of the things that I am absolutely afraid of (equally as afraid as I am of sharks and dolphins that look like sharks) is to go through life and not live it to the fullest. Unfortunately I still haven't figured out what living life to the fullest really means. Does it mean traveling across the globe, getting great joy out of the little things, having one's own family, a great career,  or maybe it's not having a career at all? I don't know. And I am not sure I need to have that figured nor do I know if there even is one concrete answer. Until I  or one of you guys figures out the meaning of life, I have tried to live by one simple principle that helps me keep things interesting. Every year I set myself at least one ridiculous goal.  The meaning or degree of ridiculous(ness) changes every year, with the only consistent being that one has to be completely baffled by whatever the goal is - meaning it can't be some teeny weeny goal and it shouldn't be too expected. This year my goal has to been to complete an Ironman, which is only my second ridiculous athletic goal (at some point, running a marathon was a ridiculous goal for me). I am not sure about next year's goal yet but it's somewhere between writing a book or trying to become a performing stand-up comedian. Other past goals have included buying a home and publishing a book (which was How To Complain For Fun and Profit). One thing I have learned by doing this, is that it's important that this year's ridiculous goal should not interfere with setting a completely different ridiculous goal next year. And hence it's perfectly acceptable to switch goals mid-year, just make sure they're at least equally as ambitious (ambitious can equal outlandish). One year I set myself the goal of working on a crab boat in Alaska, which was in direct violation with a) my work permit and b) my ambitions of  getting a job in advertising. So I scratched that goal, and ran a marathon instead. By the way, the first ridiculous goal I remember was to marry the neighbor's daughter. She was 14, and I was 8. That didn't work out, despite the what I thought very compelling and persuasive letter I had written on my father's typewriter. The next year wasn't much better. I tried to start a newspaper for my neighborhood (maybe 3000 people total) by plagiarizing neighborhood specific content from the regional newspapers (which my grandfather graciously and involuntarily donated) and then typing it up on, yup, my dad's typewriter. I had most of the widows in my neighborhood signed up but the venture ultimately failed due to my unwillingness to spend money on copies and a quickly diminishing sense of excitement for spending every afternoon hammering away, one finger style, on my father's typewriter. Living in America was one of those ridiculous goals at some point, and I'll be forever thankful that I never gave up on that one. Ps. It's not about achieving the goal, it's about the journey of trying. That much I have learned.

For some reason there exists this perception that I enjoy to network, which I know can be tied back to the fact that sometimes I talk a lot. Probably too much.  The latter is true, but when it comes to the former nothing could be further from the truth. I don't like to network. Yes, I do like to talk but only about things that I am excited about. And while I do possess the ability to walk up to a stranger and talk to them (it should be noted that this doesn't apply to women who I find to be attractive), I'd rather not. Still, I network.  I meet new people every week who sometimes become  friends, business partners or in the rarest of all cases - cat sitters. IdeaMensch is my primary way of making professional contacts and probably the easiest networking tool ever invented. When I need to get to know someone, I ask to interview them on IdeaMensch. That can open just about any door and is how I got to connect with people like Seth Godin or Craig Newmark. On the other hand, every week I also  get pitched by folks who want to get interviewed on IdeaMensch which is equally as effective of a  networking tool. But not everybody is going to build a professional interview site (please don't, people will drop IdeaMensch the minute they see an alternative) so here is my other networking strategy - one that I have used successfully and with great joy ever since I  graduated college. Meet someone new for coffee every week. I started doing just  that when I moved to Seattle and tried to break into the agency business. And since I didn't have a network, I mostly asked my buddy Jerry to connect me to some of his professional contacts. I got to meet all kinds of people, and ultimately was able to  break  into the agency business. But, it's not uncommon for job seekers to meet people in certain industries or companies for coffee. So, here comes the ultimate networking secret. Don't stop. Meet someone new for coffee every week. Even when you're not looking to get something out of it. When someone asks to pick your brain, go to coffee with them. When one of your buddies talks about the great work one of his other buddies is doing, ask to meet her for coffee. A former client, coffee. A potential new client, coffee. Someone you might want to hire, coffee. An ex-girlfriend, voicemail.  Someone who might want to hire you, coffee. You get the point. Do it every week, and you will be absolutely amazed about the professional and personal relationships that will come out of it. Plus, coffee is cheap, tastes great  and stimulates your digestive system.

image credit, in case you're looking for a more interesting coffee date than the ones described above